PLANS, LIFE, REALITY

A story about a recent surgery: (And why I haven’t been writing).

The last two years have involved medical challenges for my husband, Ken. Of course, they have impacted our lives and me.

We, and I, have been in enough hospitals that I could rate them from everything from architecture, food, operational staff and of course competence.

Ken is a courageous man when it comes to physical challenges. Most of his medical issues can be traced to exposure to agent orange during the Vietnam war. He has never let them stand in his way.

Twenty-five years ago, he had his cancerous bladder removed to survive and has used a stoma bag ever since. Over the years, related complex issues developed, all requiring surgery. He’s had perhaps 55 experiences under anesthesia.

I, at just shy of 85, am courageous about internal challenges, less so physical ones. Because of my experiences and education, I prefer alternative, integrative, preventative, or holistic healing approaches. Integrative means using what works, culling from research, knowledge and one’s personal ability to take calculated risks. We mutually believed that his current treatment was becoming both lifestyle and longevity limiting.

Working as a team, we researched endlessly. We already are primarily organic eaters and though well into our 80’s, decided to gamble to have what could have been life or death surgery. Against much well-meaning medical advice, primarily by professionals limited by their own knowledge, we selected two surgeons in Greenville, SC, not our home city.

We did what we could to do our part in preparation. Ken had two relatively minor heart procedures in advance, including a watchman implant, again done by someone we researched and considered expert in his field.

We planned our extended hospital stay and recuperation time of several months duration to include fun, exploratory and nurturing experiences. Though life and death are never in anyone’s total control We opted to use preparatory time for several experiences that brought us closer together and fostered joy. Were we frightened? Of course. Each in our own way.

We opted for a neobladder surgery. Ken was the second oldest neobladder patient both surgeons had ever operated on. The actual procedure was February 20^th. Assuming Ken would survive, estimated hospital stay was 5- to 6 weeks. He was discharged in 5 days.

He has several months recovery and reeducation ahead. A stoma bag is utilitarian. However, his penis has not been used for ordinary urination for close to 1/3 of his life. (Too much Information, as our kids often say). Reality is reality. Once tubes and catheters are removed, the tough rehab begins. Due to pain and complications, we requested an early medical visit. Two catheters have been removed early. If all goes well, the last one will be removed on the 12^{th, o}ne week earlier than originally planned. The challenge of reeducation his body to function as it was meant to, will take months of disciplined re-education, Kegels, exercise, setting a clock every two hours to void as the when the brain is asleep the brain no longer recalls its natural function.

There will be challenging times. Interrupted rest is not healthy nor easy for anyone. Wet beds are not fun to change. However, this is our choice. We, Ken, will succeed. Perhaps, we will be able to travel more, live more fully and a have a few invigorating and exploratory years ahead? Perhaps we will “kick back’, relax. Family and friends matter.

Kudos are due. The surgeons and staff, of course. The young, competent, enthusiastic, ever-preset nursing staff exceeded all expectations. Perhaps, the fact that we were not complainers and were interested in them helped? Prior to official permission, Ken was walking the halls as if preparing for a recovery Olympics, Staff from the fanciest hotels to the bucolic RV park, we carefully researched and where we chose to stay, replete with recently stocked trout stream at our door, have done all they can to help. In this day and age of Medicine by Mathematics, everyone, has been generously responsive to our requests and needs. Different family members have supported, each as they each knew how.

The future? None of us know. For now, of course there are kinks, pain and unpleasant necessities to sustain as Ken’s body heals from a long invasive “rehab”. Akin to a well-used auto, any aged update, is never smooth.

Why do I write in such detail? Health is never a given. We must all do our part. Surgeons, physicians, those in the medical field are specialists to be acknowledged for their skill. A good bedside manner helps, but, in truth they are human. As with a good plumber, educator, construction worker, pilot, errors are made. Life happens.

If I had my way, I would start with good food education in schools as they do in many other countries, Organic with no additives preferably. Consistent body movement. (My personal preference for over half a century has been yoga). If our body’s don’t move, we stultify

Close to 80% of military applicants, are tuned down as physically unfit. Why should a country with so many wonderful resources lag behind so much of the rest of the world?

Ahh, That’s for another article.

Mostly this is a short vignette, meant to give hope. In a world filled with evil, chaos and uncertainty, we all have choices.

In the end, rich, poor or in-between, again, responsibility for our decisions must be our own.

Kindness counts, as does grace, graciousness, purpose, discipline and of course Love.

Live fully.

Love deeply.

Dare to dream.

And act.

Life is guaranteed make us fall. What we learn from our falls and how we get up, builds character. Can’t do it all by yourself?

LIFE IS TOO COMPLEX TO DO ALONE: REACH OUT!